Catharsis – Part 7 – Taming the Conscious Resistance

Mohan: I have written down the first set of some assertions for you on this paper. You just read through these assertions and write down anything and everything that comes to your mind upon reading the assertions on your notepad.

Mahan hands over the paper to Reema. She hurriedly grabs the paper and begins to read aloud.

“I am uncared for and unattended.

I fear being uncared for and unattended.

I must seek attention of my close ones to avoid being unattended.

I need to attract attention of my close ones to avoid being unattended.”

While Reema was reading these assertions, she felt a sudden rush of emotions inside her. For some time, she felt being swept away in the emotions and being unable to control herself. The next moment, she tried to gain some control over herself and tried to discern her emotions. She realized that this tide of emotions was a mix of anger, disagreement, resistance on one hand and acceptance on the other hand. She next realized that her anger, disappointment and resistance were on surface, perhaps on the conscious level, while her acceptance was at a much deeper level. With acceptance, there was presence of a strong feeling of pain, remorse; as if some deep-seated painful memory got touched which was long forgotten.

She took control of herself and reached for a glass of water when she realized that her eyes were wet. She filled her glass half with water and started gulping it down, trying to slyly check if Mohan was noticing her. She found that Mohan had been observing carefully each expression on her face and may be her each reaction. She decided to not bother about Mohan anymore and tried to divert her mind back to her emotions. Just then she recalled Mohan’s instruction of writing down everything after reading the assertions and she started scribbling everything down on her notepad.

My initial emotion was a strong anger against you Mohan, because I felt that you acted mean. I confided on you by sharing some of my personal details, like my feeling of being uncared for and you used it to tell me this assertion. I also felt disappointed that I was so keenly waiting for the healing and it turned out to be nothing but some smart trick being played by some random quack. I felt strong sense of resistance to accept anything that you or these assertions claim. Once I gave deeper look to my emotions, I found that beneath all this chaos, there was also a hidden acceptance to these assertions and a deep sense of discomfort with these assertions. Yes, it is right that I fear being uncared for and I seek attention. Now, when I have agreed to these assertions why do I still have this deep sense of discomfort about it

After writing this down, Reema handed over her notepad to Mohan silently. Mohan grabbed the notepad and quickly skimmed through the write-up.

Mohan did not show any reaction to Reema’s outburst against him in the write-up. Rather he brought Reema’s attention to an observation.

Mohan: Reema, did you notice that in the beginning of the session, you started by saying that you feared being alone. By now, you have changed to “I fear being uncared for and unattended.” So, your fear is not actually about being alone, but it is about being uncared for or being unattended.

Reema realized that consciously she always thought that she was fearful of being alone. But, perhaps as Mohan pointed out, her actual fear was about being unattended. As she accepted this realization, she experienced her feeling of nausea returning. She decided to accept this feeling for now and moved on.

Mohan: Now, you should know how you have been reacting unconsciously out of this fear of being uncared for or being unattended. This fear of being unattended by your close ones led you to attract injuries over and over again so that you could gain attention. Perhaps the foot injury allowed you the feel cared for and attended by Ashish and Krish and may be others in your extended family, due to which your subconscious mind drove you to attract such injuries.

As Reema heard this she found her mind racing, showing in flashback several scenes. How her foot injury made Ashish take care of her for her each and every movement by holding her, by offering her support. How Ashish accompanied her almost whole day, helping her walk from one room to the other, being by her side whole day after taking days off from his work. He even took care of her medicines, doctor visits, foot massages and so on. Not only Ashish, but even Krish made her feel special by rubbing medicinal ointment with his small and soft hands on her foot for pain relief. Even her mother in law, parents and siblings called her daily to check the condition of her injury. She was very happy after getting so much of attention from Ashish and everyone else during those days.

As she recalled all of this, she felt her nausea easing, being replaced by some kind of calmness, as if a naughty kid was quietened by some strong words of a strict teacher and the kid settled himself in a quite corner with hands folded.

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(Pic by Tilting Tripod https://www.facebook.com/tiltingtripod/)

Reema nodded in agreement towards Mohan.

Mohan: The question remains that what made you fear being unattended at the first place. For that, let us work with the next set of assertions.

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