For next few weeks, Mohan decided to not attempt to meditate on the statue of the Goddess, add he tried that day. He just continued offering regular prayers by chanting hymns and litanies.During this time, he felt that had he known more about the powers and stature of the mother Goddess, his mind has never entertained such thoughts about the mother. With this idea, he started reading a page of Hindu scriptures like Shiva Purana and Durga Chalisa in his daily prayers.
When the parents took note of this, they went further ga-ga about Mohan. For the time being, Mohan decided to just focus on his prayers and scripture reading rather than focusing on what all praises he is getting from his parents, because deep down he was still disturbed by this utter indiscipline of his mind. How could his mind entertain such sacrilegious thoughts?
It has been about an year since Mohan started reading scriptures in his daily prayers. By now he had read extensively about the mother Goddess and her status as the creative power behind the entire creation. He had also learnt about the role of Shiva, as the primordial masculine energy, who in conjunction with the Goddess creates, sustains and destroys the universe. After reading about all this, he started feeling that his devotion was increasing, not only towards the Goddess, but also towards Shiva. He was reasonably sure that with all this knowledge in his consciousness about the stature of Shiva and the mother, now his mind will not entertain such unwanted thoughts about the Goddess. He decided to give a fresh attempt to the meditation on the mother’s statue.
He sat in the prayer room cross-legged, fixing his gaze lovingly at the statue of the mother. He glanced at the entire statue with focus and consciousness and felt a unique kind of connection with the image of the statue. He continued starting at it for a while and instinctively started thinking about some of the great endeavors achieved by this form of the Goddess. He thought about the mother’s battle with the demon Mahishasura, whom she destroyed in a fierce battle. He then started visualizing the fierce form of the mother Kali, to control whom, Shiva himself had to lie down. His current of thoughts then shifted towards the creation of the universe by Shiva and the mother. Next she started visualising the union between the divine couple. Forcibly, he pulled his mind out of this and again reprimanded himself with instinctive slaps (a series of 4-5 this time). He felt sad and helpless. He wanted to dedicate himself in the devotion but helplessly, his mind was creating resistance by conjuring such sacrilegeous thoughts. He was utterly confused and was clueless what he could do next.