Subtle Matters – Swinging little too far

This resolution gave Mohan the strength to focus on his studies, ignoring all the distractions. For the time being, he had also given up the desire to make lot of friends. Instead, he had decided to welcome whatever friends life bestowed on him naturally. Effectively, he had given up conscious attempts to make friends with someone. Whoever became his friend in natural course of life, he welcomed them and enjoyed their company.

In a matter of couple of years, he had got admission to university to pursue his higher education. The way he was able to help himself over the past few years, gave him a lot of self-confidence. He carried this confidence with himself to the university and was quickly able to make large number of friends. The confidence also brought out an unprecedented level of wit and smartness in him, which made him an attractive person for his colleagues at the university.

Mohan also utilized this time to diversify his interest areas by consciously developing some hobbies, like reading, music, traveling and tracking current world affairs. He realized that his confidence level was at its peak since the time in his life he could recall. He also realized that during this time his superstitions were at the lowest levels. He was still following his routine of prayers, but he hardly noticed himself mentally repeating himself, or kneeling endless times and so on. When he realized this fact, he felt relieved and thought that he was finally able to overcome his superstitions.

In the third and final years of his under-graduate program, like other students, Mohan also started feeling jittery about finding a job for himself, either through the campus or outside. The more time was passed without him having a job offer in hand, the more he was resorting to his old ways. He was praying for longer durations daily. He again started kneeling multiple times, and started repeating himself mentally. He witnessed and noticed all of these, but decided to continue focusing on getting a job rather than worrying about overcoming his superstitions for the time being. He sat for job interviews with multiple companies and failed at many of them.

Finally, he was able to find a job as a teacher in a junior college. While, it was not a job of his choice, he accepted the offer considering he did not have any other option. While, he accepted the offer and joined the work, he still kept looking for job of his choice in corporates. With no luck for a job switch, it took him few months before he could fully accept his teaching job mentally. It was only after that, he started giving his 100% to his job. With time his popularity as a teacher started growing and so did he start feeling more and more comfortable in that job.

At the beginning of his starting the job as a teacher, he had noticed that there were several girls among his students whom he would mentally fall for. As he became comfortable in his job over the course of several months, he observed that he had started his old habit of fantasizing, about his those students now. While he kept thinking about them in private, when actually interacting with those students while teaching, he would behave as if he was the most serious teacher on the earth. He never wanted to give away an impression to anybody that he liked that particular student, as at work he wanted to give priority to his duties.

Over the course of next few years, he had grown to be among the most reputed teachers of the college. As a teacher, he was considered strict about the matters related to study by his students. Apart from studies, he was considered approachable and friendly. He also enjoyed good rapport with most of his colleagues, cutting across different groups as per the general workplace politics at that college. However, as his reputation grew, he noticed some signs of change in his behavior, with people around him. He found that at times his success at the workplace was getting better of him. This would happen either in the form of a friendly conversation being unnecessarily flared up by him upon a slight provocation, or in the form of some nasty dig taken by him at any person, or at times him behaving in an adamant manner on a topic. When he realized this happening, he wondered was he gradually becoming a conceited person.


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