The elusive ‘Compatibility’ with partner

So often in our day to day life, we come across people talking about the compatibility between life partners. These are people cutting across religions, nationalities, genders, and age groups, but talking about the same elusive ‘Compatibility’ in their married lives. People from all sorts of relationship backgrounds like living-ins, looking to get married, married, long-married and so on are either hopeful of compatibility or are perturbed for not yet having the compatibility. At times I feel, is Compatibility a milestone to achieve, which once achieved will never ever wane off? Perhaps not. If so, is this chase and such a big noise about compatibility worthwhile? Or, people are just using this word to hide their own limitations.

Compatibility – a never ending chase

Everyone expects to draw happiness out of relations, especially so, out of the relation with ones life partner. As long as one is able to draw happiness out of the relation, one feels the relationship working and partner being compatible. However, as soon as one finds oneself unable to draw happiness, one starts feeling lack of compatibility with the partner.


When people looking to get married find themselves unable to draw happiness from the partner, they start rethinking about their decision to get married. Married people when face this situation, they start thinking of calling the marriage off. In all such situations, people get entrapped in a perhaps never ending chase for compatibility.

Can compatibility be warranted?

Some people keep postponing the decision of marriage saying that they first wish to ensure compatibility with their partner. I wonder how they would ever be able to ensure compatibility. After all, you don’t expect to get a warranty card from your partner, confirming compatibility for X period. I wonder if those people are just trying to run away from something under the garb of confirmation of compatibility.

Acceptance is the key

One needs to acknowledge and understand the fact that there are two individuals in a relationship. If a person is unable to find his partner compatible, that also means that he is unable to accept his partner the way she is. This non-acceptance could be caused by the fact that the person had certain expectations from the partner which the partner does not fulfill.

Each individual we come across in life reflects to us only what we, at the energy level, have chosen to experience and learn about the self through that person. Especially, our close relatives (and of course life partner) are the ones with whom we might have very strong karmic bonds, which would keep reflecting to us some side of ourselves which we are not willing to accept. In order to avoid accepting our lack at the energy level, we at the physical level keep blaming the partner by maintaining as if we were being a victim of wrong behavior of our partner. This keeps happening till the time we acknowledge and bring to our conscious mind what exactly we are being shown through those difficult encounters with our partner.

The key to resolve this vicious cycle is to observe the emotions within us which get triggered at each difficult encounter with the partner. Make out what that emotion exactly is. A feeling of helplessness, or feeling of being a victim, or that of being exploited, or that of never being supported, or something else. Observe if this is the same emotion which gets triggered most prominently on every difficult encounter with the same person. If so, here is the way out. Sit back in a quite place, in meditation if possible, and try to fathom why you have to face this same emotion every time with your partner.

If you are able to connect with your energy, you would find the answer and the learning for you, which would set-in the required energy shift in yourself. Once this happens, you never have to experience the same emotion again with that person, simply because now there is no need for you to experience that emotion again. If you are unable to connect with your energies on your own, you can seek help of any Serenity Surrender (SS) healer (in person or distance) or learn SS yourself (




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